the little things

It’s always the little things, or at least, thats how it seems. My reactions are not in proportion to the event/action. I couldn’t get my docking station to work properly earlier and I got so angry that I wanted to self harm. I had the same reaction when the hoover didn’t work the other day. I wish I was able to regulate my emotions better. I think that perhaps there are times when I can. This intolerance however does seem to indicate a depressive mood or episode. One thing I always notice when I am heading into an episode is that small things really start to bother me. I get to the point where I could quite easily bash my colleagues repeatedly over the head with my stapler, just because they have the audacity to breath. Luckily for them, I can and do recognise that it’s an inappropriate response.

It’s the same thing in regards to the self hatred – it’s always there in my mind but it’s the little things that bring it to boiling point. It’s the sound of my own voice or a glimpse of my reflection in a car window. The fact that I went to the shops but forgot 1 thing or that I forgot my pass to get into work can have me believing that I am the dumbest person in the world.

It’s all completely out of proportion.

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