I’ve known it for a while; I am on a slippery slope down back into destruction and misery. I am self harming almost as if I am on auto pilot. I have stopped caring about the consequences. I have cancelled my appt with my warfarin nurse on Monday – I can say it’s because I can’t fit it in around work but that’s bullshit. I just won’t be able to explain if my INR is too high (which I would expect it to be after the increased dose I’ve been taking for a while now). I am considering cancelling my appt with my social worker next week. Logic and experience tell me that she won’t have spoken to the surgery/my GP/warfarin nurse about it but you never can tell. She can be pretty efficient at times. There is no one in my real life who knows what is really going on. It’s been easy to avoid it lately as there is so much else going on. I just find it odd that I haven’t told my therapist and best friend – I tell them everything.
I recognise that no one can take this way, no one can make it stop. That is down to me and me only. The problem is that I can’t fix it or make it stop either.
Where does that leave me?