Over the last few days I have felt that maybe I am coming through this episode of depression. If I am then it’s about bloody time. This has been the longest and worst episode since 2005 and it has sucked. Big time.

So if I am coming through it then why am I continuing to self harm at the level I am? 9mg of warfarin a day is unacceptable unless I really do want to cause a whole lot of damage. Just for reference I am supposed to be taking 4mg a day and my INR should be betwen 2 and 3. This morning my INR was at 7.4. Oops. That figure should have bothered me but it doesn’t; not even a little bit.

What will bother me? When my behaviour causes a bleed in the brain or something equally horrendous? Nothing good can come from this. Whatever happens will be drawn out, no quick death for me.

And why should there be, I don’t deserve to go quickly and peacefully,


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