So I saw my social worker on Wednesday and left feeling as it had been a complete waste of time. On Thursday I wrote her a note explaining how things really are, whether or not she already knew, I’m not sure. Anyways she rang me on Friday saying she’d like to see me on Monday (tomorrow). So we have an appt at 3pm. If I’m honest, I am terrified. I know that I need help, that knowledge doesn’t take the fear away though.
People keep telling me that I’m not as “bad” as I have been in the past. It doesn’t feel that way to me. It feels worse but in a different way. I want to fall apart, I just don’t feel able to. Maybe falling apart is the only way forwards. Who knows.